Oh Hello! Your Saucy July Horoscope is Here, In A 90's Sitcom Edition

Oh Hello! Your Saucy July Horoscope is Here, In A 90's Sitcom Edition
 

Horoscopes by Sauce |90’ Sitcom Edition

Sauce may be a teeny bit late to the party when it comes to horoscopes, but the fun usually starts later anyway. For the first time we’ve brought in (our favourite!) Auckland-based, Tarot & Psychic Expert, Kimberly Stewart of  The Channelling to give us the low down on what to expect for July’s activities. 

She’s predicted a bit of everything for everyone this month, from career advice and romantic opportunities to financial warnings (and it's SO GOOD!) - oh and for your viewing pleasure we’ve handpicked our favourite 90’s sitcom stars as the poster kids for this month’s horoscope.

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ARIES of the month: Rachel from Friends

Knight of Pentacles, 3 of Wands, 3 of Cups

What a month you have ahead of you Aries! You’re going to, no doubt, be busy with all the activity that will be surrounding you. But, you are the zodiac sign which naturally takes this sort of energy in their stride so you’ll be absolutely fine.

This month has new career and work opportunities coming your way. Out of nowhere you are going to unexpectedly be offered a new position or given new responsibilities. You may also find that you come across a brilliant business idea outside of your usual work. Go for it Aries but be sure to avoid overextending your finances to make your dreams come true.

For the single Aries ladies there will be a chance meeting at a wedding, engagement, birthday or anniversary party. This person will spark your interest and will happily run romantically wild with you…for a while. Don’t overinvest in this type of relationship this month if you want to avoid heartbreak. For the attached Aries watch for the next level of commitment coming your way- a proposal, surprise romantic getaway, or declaration of feelings is on the cards!

Grace Adler Taurus Gif

TAURUS of the month: Grace Adler from Will and Grace

6 of cups, King of Pentacles, 2 of Pentacles

You know how you line up a new date and then feel the need to spend up large on a new dress, make up and/or jewellery to give a great impression? Well, please try to avoid this, this month Taurus. It will break the bank, and anyway your date will be more attracted to your natural down-to-earth style rather than all the bells and whistles that you’ve added to that.

Your finances are going to be at the mercy of your own willpower this month Taurus, and unfortunately your usually stubborn nature will be at its weakest. If you can get through July without overspending you’ll find that you’ll be in a very good financial position from here on out.

Someone from your past is going to pop back up. This is most likely to be a former fellow student, co-worker or boss. They’ll be under the guise of ‘just catching up’ when in fact they’ve always harboured something of a crush towards you. You decide where you want to take it from there. 

Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City Gemini

GEMINI of the month: Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City

9 of Wands, The Fool, 7 of Swords

Your natural dual nature will be in full swing this month Gemini as you experience highs and lows in your mood. There’s optimism and playfulness ahead as well as a gloominess and nastiness. I’m sure you’re use to people not being able to keep up with your change in personality, but this month it’s going to be truly mind-boggling!

You would be wise not to set anything in stone this month. That goes for new relationships, new work commitments, house renovations, contracts or even your hairdressing appointment. Nothing is going to stick as your nervy energy takes over.

Although, with a lack of commitments comes a new dawning: you may find that leaving yourself wide open attracts a lot of new opportunities, and people will be desperate to pin you down at all costs. Use this to your advantage and plan to give them the time of day once July has come to an end.

Be aware of sharing secrets or ideas at work. There is a gossipy energy around you, and after the year you’ve already had, it’d be best to avoid the torment.

Brian The Breakfast Club Cancer

CANCER of the month: Brian from The Breakfast Club

10 of Swords, The Magician, Judgement

It’s your birthday this month Cancer, and although this month brings some challenges it also brings its fair share of happiness for you. One clear message that is coming through from the cards is that your run of bad luck is coming to an end. Those who haven’t been honest or who have betrayed your trust in the past will make their true colours blatantly obvious to see this month, and fate will choose to kick them out of your life for good. Count it as a major blessing because although it will be hard to see them go, you’ll get over it pretty quickly.

Now, usually you are quite an emotional being, but this month you’ll be feeling a lot calmer and more in control. It’d be wise to analyse your feelings and write them down if you do find yourself leaning towards your old emotional ways, but logic and clear insight is on your side.

Be careful when signing contracts of any kind during July, whether it be a new lease agreement, employment contract or hire purchase agreement for that brand new crescent shaped coffee table you just had to have. 

Robin Sherbatsky How I Met Your Mother Leo

LEO of the month: Robin from How I Met Your Mother

8 of Cups, Strength, The Star

You’ll get to turn over a new leaf this month Leo and look to the horizon for new and exciting ventures. These new and exciting ventures also pertain to love. If you’ve been stuck in a relationship which lacked substance and didn’t bring the happiness you required then you’ll walk away from it this month. And although you will have spent a lot of emotional energy on the relationship you’ll know that it’s only right for you and your self-esteem to finally move on.

Do not decide to spend up large on an overseas trip to get over the relationship as this will only cause you to have to face what went wrong later on down the track. Take the time to soak it all up and then release it.

Happily, attached Leo’s will find a champion in their partner this month (as they should do). There’ll be a point whereby your partner stands up for you in some romantic and knight-worthy way which will make your heart skip a beat. Single Leo’s will have renewed faith in the opposite sex, and you may find a few highly romantic dates will make you purr in lovely Leo delight.

You’re physically strong this month Leo, and any past health issues which have been lingering will fade away or lay dormant for a while.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Virgo

VIRGO of the Month: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The World, Page of Cups, 5 of Wands

Oh Virgo, if only everyone else could see the chaos around them like you do!

This month you may find that you are putting far too many expectations on other people. And just as a heads up- it will backfire. Let it go. No one is as perfect as you are so they won’t be able to live up to your high expectations. Could you give your boyfriend a little leeway for not remembering to dot the I’s and cross the T’s on his love letter to you, maybe realise that your co-worker only just finished her coffee and placed the cup on the kitchen bench, and your best friend…she isn’t trying to purposely upset you by not placing her shoes neatly at the door when she visits. At least she took them off.

Yes, your expectations, nerves and worries are going to be heightened this month, but if you can let loose a little you may find that love is plentiful, not just in the romantic sense but also with family and friends.

And a reminder for the single Virgos out there: don’t pull out your pros and cons list while you’re on that Tinder date. He isn’t what he first seems and there’s almost  a ‘diamond in the rough’ quality to this person.

Libra Rory Gilmore Girls

LIBRA of the Month: Rory from Gilmore Girls

7 of Wands, Queen of Pentacles, 4 of Cups

Libra, you are going to be a little out of sorts this month as the Universe decides to test your boundaries.

As we know, balance is highly important to you; it is you. July will see your Libra scales tipped from one side to the next as boredom sets in and you struggle to dig yourself out of it. The key to your survival this month is to keep pushing forward through this struggle and find new and exciting ventures to keep you occupied.

This goes for all matters in life. If you’re dreading going into the monotony of work every day, bake a crazy cake to help brighten everyone’s day. If your friends seem to be boring you with the same dull gossip, take them on a wild night out to create new gossip. If your relationship is relegated to the trap which is Netflix and chill every, single night, suggest a trip to the latest art exhibition. You like art Libra, and it will break the boredom. You need to take charge this month to inspire and bring balance back to your scales.

With this energy around you it is highly advisable to have an all-day shopping trip at some point during July. You respond well to colour, texture, and well-made items. What better way to light up your spirits and immerse yourself in these things than in a shopping mall.

Do not let your boredom get in the way of you meeting interesting people this month. Download Tinder, go on a date, and develop a new link to someone else. That person is more likely than not to be able to help you with good clear advice in the future but on a friendship level.

 

Topanga Boy Meets World Scorpio

SCORPIO of the Month: Topanga from Boy Meets World

4 of Wands, King of Cups, 6 of swords

Your love life and career are in a positive position this month Scorpio with the universal energy aligning to your needs. Everything that has happened up until this point has had a purpose, and that purpose has been to raise your awareness of what’s happening around you and to take action with reaching your goals.

With all of this positive energy around, you can pretty much spend the month sitting back and letting good things come your way. There’s no need to put any effort into getting the things you want or the people you want (if you get my drift *wink*).

You’ll have a need to spend a lot of time in and around the home during July. You’ve earnt a well-deserved break and your focus will be on making your living space more pleasurable. If you’ve been unhappy with your current residence a move into a new house is indicated, otherwise buying up large from your favourite home décor store will be desired.

This is a harvest period for you whereby you can enjoy the fruits of your labour. Book that overseas holiday that you’ve been putting off, accept that invitation from your crush or undertake some new study that you’ve been looking into for the last wee while.

Hillary Fresh Prince of Bel Air Sagittarius

SAGITTARIUS of the Month: Hilary Banks of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Queen of Swords, 2 of Swords, The High Priestess

You would be wise to take control of your mouth a bit more this month Sagittarius. Although you may have gotten away with your blunt honesty in the past it won’t serve you very well during July.

This month you are going to hear that someone is harbouring hard feelings towards you, which was the result of your being blatantly (but innocently) honest.  If your blunt honesty comes out again when you hear of this you are sure to make the problem worse. It originally ruffled feathers, it created tension and it has ultimately turned into a gossipy-snowball-monster that a friend is silently holding against you and telling everyone else about. Of course, your intention was never to hurt someone’s feelings, especially not a friend’s, but unfortunately this time they have let it get to them. I think you have been oblivious to what has happened too. I would take the moral high ground and offer a sincere apology straight away. This is going to be your best bet at stopping the gossipy-snowball-monster from morphing into a bigger gossipy-snowball-monster in the future.

Your dreams will be very vivid this month, as will your fascination with the unknown. This pertains mostly to your love life. You may dream of a past or future relationship, and even if you’re already attached you may have vivid dreams of a secret crush. You’ll also find yourself attracted to a new ‘type’ this month. If someone holds an unknown quality that you haven’t explored before your archer’s arrow will want to pin them down on the spot and have your way with them.

Monica Friends Capricorn

CAPRICORN of the Month: Monica from Friends

5 of Swords, Temperance, Page of Pentacles

This is a healing month for you Capricorn. You are so dedicated and work so hard that finally you are going to find some relax time.

You are going to finally forgive and completely move on from a past relationship which shattered your feelings. This past relationship involved a notion of commitment, such as marriage or living together, and its end was painful (although you hide the hurt quite well. As you do). The grip that it has had on you for the last few years is finally going to loosen and leave you open to finding something better.

Staying on the love note…this forgiveness of the past is going to open you up to new possibilities. You may find that you give someone who you typically wouldn’t be attracted to a chance. And if you’re already attached, you might see a new quality in your current relationship which you couldn’t see before, bringing a new level of connection and happiness to the two of you. 

Miranda Hobbes Sex and the City Aquarius

AQUARIUS of the Month: Miranda from Sex and the City

Queen of Cups, 4 of Swords, 6 of Pentacles

Stop for just a moment Aquarius. Do you hear that?...It’s the sound of your heart beating to the rhythm of exhaustion.

July needs to be a month of rest Aquarius. You have been running yourself ragged over the last few months and it will be starting to catch up with you over the next four weeks. If you’ve been suffering from stress, high anxiety, colds, flus and pulled muscles, then this is your body telling you that you suck. You aren’t usually so harsh on yourself Aquarius so let’s try to get some stability back into your life.

This need for rest is also coming from your emotional self. This would not be a good month to go out looking for love as there’s still some repressed emotions and blockages that need to be sorted. A new love interest is just going to confuse everything that’s already going on inside your heart and exhaust your mind even more. Talking to someone will help you recover, whether it be friends or a therapist. The time invested in being alone will also help you figure out what you actually need in your life right now too.

On a more positive note, you are going to be receiving some un-earnt money or gifts this month. What your emotional self is lacking at the moment, the material world is going to make up for. Accept these gifts with grace and appreciation as you deserve others to be treating you like the beautiful, intelligent, hardworking goddess that you are at the moment.

Phoebe Friends Pisces

PISCES of the Month: Phoebe from Friends

Page of Wands, 9 of Pentacles, The Lovers

It’s safe to say that love is in full swing for you during July. 

Attached Pisces will find that their partner will seem to have some great desire to spoil them this month. It may come from a place of remorse whereby they have done something wrong in the past, or it may be that you are such a sweet, gentle, lovely soul that they feel the need to show their appreciation for you. If you need to buy that new pair of shoes that you’ve been pining for since you can’t remember when, this month you could get away with asking to borrow your partner’s credit card to buy them.

Single Pisces: you have a busy month ahead. You won’t be wanting for more as you find that all of your spare time will be filled up with admirers and new love interests. Of course, this comes from some proactive work on your part to meet these people, but except them to be infatuated with you straight away.     

Expect short journeys, invitations and plenty of lively conversation. And the number of bad hair days you’re going to have this month are zero! Enjoy your July!

 

Post Curated by | Aasha Nimo
Horoscope | Kimberly of The Channelling