Are your new year’s resolutions gaslighting you?

As we skip or, in my case, gracefully fall head-first into a new year, I always can’t help but feel this pressure on my soul to basically evaluate all aspects of my life. It feels like I am being squeezed by a higher power to declutter the chaos, cut the crap and elegantly evolve into some sort of swan-like meta-human. And usually, all of these pressures come to a head in the form of a list of new year’s resolutions.

photo credit: Jill Burro

 I have woken up violently ill on new year’s day for the last decade (at least). Sometimes I don’t fall asleep until midday on the 1st; I’ll pop a few lorazepam, and my friends will huddle around me, ensuring the beast drifts slowly into space. What I am saying is new year’s day is usually a shit show in the best possible way. And that’s what the new year is to me. Staying up all night whispering secrets to my friends, slugging back whatever is around until I see stars and hugging the life out of the people I love the most into my heart. It’s about creating those special memories that give you butterflies when you think about them during the mundane moments of your life. It’s never been about changing myself but rather enjoying the moment of where I am and who I am with. 

But I’ll still halfheartedly force myself to make a mental list of things I should likely do better at, try harder at, and pursue because it’s probably a good idea. Then, on the flip side, there will be a few things in my life that I might endeavour to drop or stop altogether in the name of self-development or whatever you want to call it. 

But that’s just me. I can list countless friends, many of whom I admire so much I probably unconsciously copy them, who are resolute in their new year, new me mind frame. And they’ll really go for it. One moment their adorable horizontal sloths on my couch, and the next moment it’s a new year and their gym bunnies, chugging chocolate protein shakes (that give you the worst gas), wearing fluorescent LuluLemon tights to bed so they can wake up and go at 4.45 AM to spin a bike in a class with 36 other perspiring (or crying) humans while the scarily energetic instructor barks at them over the speaker.

And from the bottom of my heart, each to their own, but this year there has been a proliferation of In & Out Lists. And I must ask why. I’m sure you’ve seen them scattered across your favourite social platform in the form of written lists laid out in a perfect square tile. Many platforms and countless influencers have been listing people, places, objects, things, or whatever they consider in which is to suggest they should be continued or started and out, which would, on the contrary, be advised to be stopped or cancelled. 

The Washington Post List, which I linked above, has China’s Population listed under out and India’s Population listed under In. What the actual fuck?

Anyway, I clearly have mixed emotions about this concept of reformulating life just because it’s a new year, whether it’s in the form of an in-and-out list or a resolution; something about it tastes off, but it’s enticing, and I understand why. So much so that I actually wrote a list of my 2023 in-and-out points to share with you all and then ended up here, somewhere in the middle, trying to dissect the concept and make sense of it all.

In a recent controversial campaign, Luxury fitness chain Equinox banned new members from joining the gym on the 1st of January, 2023. The 1st of each year is usually one of its highest signup days of the year. Which makes sense - new year, new body etc. 

Will Mayer, Equinox’s VP and executive creative director, said, “Equinox is a lifestyle, not a trend. It’s not you; it’s January”, read the caption published across its social media channels, which accompanied a poster with a message in poem format.

“January is a language we don’t understand,” the post declared, describing the month as a “fantasy that wants you to start something when you should be in the middle of it.”

It goes on, “Equinox will not be accepting new members on new year's day. January 1st is one of the largest sign-up days for fitness clubs as people prepare for a ‘new year new me’ – but for our members, it’s just another day. You're not a new year’s resolution," continued Mayer. "Your life doesn’t start at the beginning of the year. And that’s not what being part of Equinox is about. Equinox is a lifestyle – not a trend. We speak the language of fanatical dedication. We don’t speak January.”

Now, let me be clear, I don’t give a crap about Equinox, especially after that whole Trump fiasco, but I do find this campaign concept fascinating. It’s picked up on this social and environmental pressure to upend aspects of your life, sometimes in quite a dramatic fashion because it’s a new year. It’s highlighted this pressure we all feel - and is that a bad thing to feel? 

I think it’s good to reflect and take note of where you are and where you want to be heading, but why does it have to be in the new year? Should we not continuously try to evolve into a version of ourselves that feels closer to home? Regardless of the day, should the journey not be a forever one? Should we not be finding resolutions in our daily that feel more achievable than a list of commandments hanging over our heads like a precarious weight?

I don’t have the answers to any of these questions; I don’t think there is one correct answer(s). All I know is that, above all else, change is inevitable, and you will grow and learn and fail and succeed this year ahead. Sometimes all at once. I just hope you are gentle with yourself in the process. 

Words — Liam Sharma